I think Alia is actually complete! O.o [Long effin post ahead!!]

So. Here is the LONG stupid saga about Alia, my Dikadoll Lola. I wasn't going to create this long ole post but, honestly, she has caused me so much pain and trouble that I want to talk to people about it, ok? (And my real life friends couldn't care less) Like, she has literally made me so angry and helpless at times that I feel dumb, she's ridiculous! *headdesk*

So, first, let me start with the character that is Alia. She is a reincarnation of a vampire/goddess that lived eons ago. She was actually never supposed to come back but neither was her counterpart, who she was born to go against. Like, without Pandora, her rival god, she wouldn't need to be. But, because Rai messed up (okay, actually, my character ASH is the one to completely blame for that snaffu), Pandora could be resurrected and so was Alia. In my story, mage magic counterbalances itself whether you want it to or not. So, say you want to magic yourself breakfast or something. Well, somewhere else in the world, breakfast will appear instantly for someone else. It's to cause balance so that the world doesn't completely fuck up. It's like the threefold law but that's for human magic since, in my stories, humans weren't designed to ever have magic so they have to have more happen to counterbalance it.

Anyway, long story short, Alia is reborn. This has been the cornerstone of my characterization for her. Everything after that has been a severe work in progress, some of which I have only recently come up with. Like, her living with Reslin, who takes in stray kids. That's new. Her style, which I never really gave too much thought to, is also new. This is also when I realized, shockingly, that I designed Alia off the me I would love to be. I used to dress like her, in all sorts of crazy crap that sort of didn't go together but was bright and happy so I loved it, but that was before I became completely self-conscious about my weight and just stopped. Alia also has the figure I would want which is very much hourglass-y and thick and va-voomy. :D So, yes.

So, I then started trying to come up with a concept for the rest of her. I decided she had black hair with blue and yellow streaks in it and one blue eye and one yellow eye. Naturally. Why? Well, I had this idea that she represented the Earth and Sun within her because of her goddess self. It actually made sense at the time and I rolled with it. Then I had to pick a mold and, after searching, the mold that stuck completely with me is Dikadoll Lola. I don't know what it was about her but every time I saw her I thought of Alia. Even later, when Iplehouse Lahela came out and I wondered if SHE could be Alia, I looked over at my Lola versus Lahela and STILL chose Lola! She was just perfect! So, here she is not much longer after she arrived:

I LOVED how she looked here! I actually 100% loved her except for one thing.... her faceup, while so absolutely GORGEOUS!, was not her character. Like, looking back on it, I still adore it but it's still not right for her. And, I hate that! Only because A) I wasted the money on the faceup and B) my skills are NOT up to par to this faceup, it's just not. But, despite all that, I hated even more that she didn't look how I wanted her. So, one day, I went absolutely insane and wiped it.

And here's where the insanity/adventure begins.

I don't have pics of ALL her faceups, mind you, but I have a couple so let me share them. All in all, I would say she had four that I actually kept long enough to put eyelashes in and thought were great at the time. But, ontop of those four were about ten or more that either only made it a few steps or got as far as the gloss stage and I was like HOLY SHIT NO WHY?!!! So, yes.

So there was this:

I honestly have no flippin idea what the hell I was thinking. I actually liked this faceup enough to gloss it and put in eyelashes. But LOOK at it! And this wasn't the first I did with her, those pics I don't have. I think I took one with my phone, though, but this was before Google's instant upload so I lost them all when I cracked my phone.

Then here's the next one I have photographic evidence of:

Ok. This one wasn't as amazingly hideous as any of my previous attempts. In fact, there's a possibility she would've kept this faceup had it not been for the unevenness of her eyebrows. Like, if any of my other dolls have uneven eyebrows, I have yet to notice. But, with her, it was ALL I could notice. And then that led me to focus on her other flaws and just.... this faceup had to go. It had to epically go. LOL!

So, I didn't do much with her for MONTHS after this. I tried a couple more times but I lost all, like, hope for her. Than I had to deal with moving and, when I deal with moving, I become a stressed, depressed mess and I honestly could not focus on her (or ANY of my BJDs). In fact, even till recently, I still couldn't deal with her and she's been headless/faceupless for awhile. But then I decided to try again. I have no picture of that fail but, then this past friday, I decided I wanted to give it yet another go! And then this happened:

WHAT IS THIS EVEN??!!! Ok, so I know what I was going for. I actually was inspired by Cats10 and SoftPoison and I think I was trying to combine them but also be really dramatic/crazy and myself, you know? And it failed. The eyebrows are HORRIBLE for her face! Too thick and obvious and far too dark. The eyeshadow makes it look like she decided to do her makeup in the dark and forgot where here eyes were and, frankly, and this is a personal preference, I HATE chin blushing without cheek blushing so I don't know why I did that. Plus the white is too obvious for my tastes and the lips, while you can't see it in the picture, in person, once I had put her head back on her body, were colored so weirdly that she looked like she wasn't smiling anymore, which freaked me out. So, yes. This one also had to go and I was so FRUSTRATED! For one, it had taken me all damn day and I had thought it was going so well until I was done and put her on her body and looked at her the next morning in the sunlight. Also, and this is just annoying, the faceup before this one, I got the blushing right but did the same eye thing I did this time. So I told myself not to do the eye thing again but I ignored myself and never did the blushing I liked from before. What the hell, man?!

Anyway, yesterday, after staring and staring at her, I decided this faceup would just not do and to give it yet another try. So, here is Alia her faceup from yesterday!

So. I know it's not perfect but AAJLSDKJPAEUPJDA!!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! I actually CRIED once I put her back together. Like sobbed and clasped my hand to my mouth like I had just won an award. It was ridiculous but she makes me so happy being together and not making me angry. Like, I keep looking at her and she STILL makes me happy, unlike every other time before. She hasn't made me this happy since I first got her and that's not an overstatement, it's just true. It was actually getting to the point where I was wondering if it was her or me. Like, not saying I am a Faceup Goddess but I USUALLY can get a faceup to what I want in about 3 tries or less. The fact that she needed so many tries made me wonder if she was just not inspiring me. Which made me way sadder than I cared to admit. This faceup actually came out almost exactly how I wanted it to. It combined the last three tries together, taking what I liked from each (the thin brows, the eyeshadow colors, the blushing) and it came together rather nicely. Idk WHY I added the heart but I actually like it. I find it so cute! :D

Now, for why she has a style change. Well, truthfully, I lost her eyes. I have no clue where they are but, frankly, I don't think they'd fit with this faceup at all anyway. But, even so, I was horrified I lost her eyes but it made me sit and contemplate on her as a whole for awhile. I always thought the hair and eye thing was a little too Marysue-ish. In fact, my friend pointed out that it was toeing that line but I was gungho about it because I am stubborn as hell about my characters. Like, I HATE changing them and I hate critique on them. But, in Alia's case, I think it worked for the better. These were going to be just temp eyes but I think she may keep them. I know they're unrealistic for her skin type but she's a vampire who used to be a god, I think maybe I have some leeway on this. LOL!

Her hair is a wig in actual character life. Another trait from me. She loves her black hair but, like me, sometimes she wants to explore other hair shades without destroying her ACTUAL hair. I plan to get her a pink and a red wig some day because, honestly, those are MY favorite hair colors. I also plan to get her a cute black wig, I just have to find one I like. I also want to get her some really cute and colorful clothes. This is the one time I wish she was on a 1/3rd body and not on the 65cm boobalicious body because finding clothes that are cute and colorful for her is rather hard. But, I will not give up! Right now her top is a colorful sock. And I know people shit bricks over sock clothing but I LOVE the sock colors and it fits in with her character (which is again, like me) and how she upcycles things. So, hee!

Anyway, sorry for boring you to absolute death with the long journey of Alia but, frankly, I am so pleased right now that I can't even deal. She has been incomplete now for, get this, a YEAR TODAY! In fact, I found proof on my Google+:

November 11th, 2011, I decided Alia's faceup was driving me nuts, since it wasn't her character, so I wanted to redo it. Can you even stand it? One year! HOW INSANE IS THAT?!!! I can't even deal. LOL!

Thank you very much if you read all of this. I know it was insane and long as hell but, I wanted to share. Now, here's hoping tomorrow Alia isn't like "nope! Hate this faceup too!" I'd bring her to life and then kill her. Literally. Somehow. :D

Long time no see OMG!

So, wow. It has been a LONG time! I will not try to excuse my absence  it was really dumb. I let A LOT of mental stuff get in the way due to me having to move and I just fell from the hobby for a long while. Every once in awhile I would really try to step my toe back in for a bit but then my mind would kick back in and I'd retreat back to the land of sadness with no energy or mental resolve to do anything. It was super frustrating and even more frustrating because it was not hobby-specific. That is to say, nothing happened within the hobby to make me not really participate in it, my mind just completely sabotaged me and wouldn't let go. So, I'm so sorry. :-(

I feel much better now and I am officially actually trying to be as active as I once was in the hobby. Because I miss it. I could allow myself to not be in the hobby/do hobby things if that was what I ultimately wanted. But, truth is, I absolutely adore this hobby, it makes me happy, I love my dolls, and WOW do they inspire me. So I guess my mind just didn't want to deal with that for many a month, I guess, who knows. Here's hoping this inspiration stays.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I should bore everyone with updates or not but here goes the most recent. I have updated my "dolls at home" list here: http://malvagitabella.blogspot.com/2012/02/dolls-at-home.html I actually have only added two, one of which is only sort of new. I had this large dream, that I explained on DoA but not here, of one day getting a Kara Klum (which is all VA13's fault!). But, in this dream, I wanted him on a Doll Chateau male body. Unfortunately, at the time this dream tooled around, only the Adult DC body was available and that was just far too tall. So I just clung to my dream and hoped for the best.

Well, DC being awesome, they came out with their Youth dolls and I flailed because that would be the perfect size for my Kara Klum. So I put an order on the body immediately and anticipated my future with this doll.

But, life is life, right? For starters, I had to move which sucked up my Kara Klum head buying funds for so months and months. And then, right at the last moment, I decided I would really love to have a FULL Kara Klum rather than hybriding him. I think it's because his character completely changed due to the fact that the dolls I wanted him to be photographed with have larger heads and features than him and I didn't want him to look like the crazy pea-headed guy that showed up to the wrong photos. So, yes.

So, here I was stuck with this incoming body and I figured I could just sell it when a light went off! My Dollzone Gretta has been WRONG to me ever since I got her home. Her clothes made her look hideous, I hated the high-heeled feet on her, no wigs looked good on her till I got a fur wig, and so and so on It was ridiculous and to the point where I just didn't understand how I could love a doll so much but also completely hate it at the same time! But I was just sitting at work one day when it dawned on me that OMG SHE WANTS TO BE A BOY! And then the heavens opened, angels sang, babies fell from the sky, etc. So, when I got my DC body, I decided to try and hybrid it with my Gretta's head. And thus Gabriel was born:

I'm sorry but, I think he looks AMAZING!!! :D Not to toot my own horn or anything, I am not the first person to think the Gretta sculpt would make a great male. Tirsden from DoA, actually, pointed it out eons ago and I agreed. On the site, she's such a beautiful woman! But I guess mine just decided she'd make a more handsome male. :D

Now, as for my other new doll Jamie aka Loki, my Doll Leaves Noir. He took MONTHS to complete! I got him right before I officially moved, I then, once I was finally settled, gave him faceup and then had to wait a month to get money for clothes and then wait another month to finally receive said clothes. He, to date, is my longest to complete doll. I wish I had great pics of him but, unfortunately, when I was taking "official" pics of him, I didn't notice until later that his eye was all wonky. Here's the one of the few I could salvage:

There he is with my BBB Apollo, Sparrow, who, to be honest, I haven't introduced here either. LOL!

Anyway, I'll leave the updates here for now. But I plan to actually continue updating whenever I can so thank you for being so very patient! :D

Look who FINALLY made it home!

Look who FINALLY decided to show up a year and three weeks later, my Dollshe Saint and Bernard. *squishes them*

Even though they’ve been a curse on me all week. First of all, worrying over their arrival constantly made me annoyed and depressed, which really made my week off take a nose-dive. Then, they friggin arrive in my city yesterdau and the post office didn’t even TRY to deliver them, just left the “Sorry We Missed You” slip and left. I had to track them down like a crazy woman and have them redeliver it. THEN, to add insult to injury, I’ve been waiting to record their box opening since being on “Before Shipping” status and, as soon as I go to record, my webcam refuses to take video. Then, editing their pictures caused my computer to crash. So, needless to say, I DO kinda hate them. -_-

But then I look at them and I love them all over again. XD If they were real people, though, I’d be seriously wanting to punch them in the face right now. *glares*

I bought them pants today at a doll show and they fit MARVELOUSLY, until they sit. -_- I think I may get them doll stands so they can stand around looking pissy and wonderful.

Their characters so far are simple but I haven't written them out fully. I thought they were going to be all gothy and creepy but, so far, it turns out they have adapted to the changing world (they're vampires) and now they're kinda urban in style. My Bernard, Brenner Adelaide, is sickly and kinda crazy and demands attention. He likes to seduce men and kill them, despite the fact my vampires don't HAVE to kill (they adapted) and killing is forbidden. His brother, my Saint, Thompson Adelaide, is his caretaker and covers his brother's murderous habits and is basically a melancholy, "weight of the world on his shoulders" sort of guy. He has this woman, who I need to look more into (she's an unexpected character), who he loves and wants to be with. But he has to take care of his brother so he just can't let himself be with her and he REALLY doesn't want to draw her in to his situation. Plus Brenner would probably kill her if he knew. :-/

Anyway, there they are. Brenner has red hair now (he managed to make me buy him a wig) but otherwise, this is how they look for now. I just need to make sure these are the right eyes for them, get them some shirts of their own, some shoes, and I need to do their faceups. These boys have been such a damn hassle. But I can tell they were worth it because they told me their story right away.

I don't care HOW weird that sounds. :D

UGH!

Me and Alia are having a battle of unendingness. It is driving me INSANE! Especially since, I LOVE her sculpt. The more I work with it, the more I love it for her. But she is driving me NUTS! I have done probably ELEVEN faceups on her and none have just been right. Which is driving me mad because I have managed to get all my other dolls pretty much right without having to constantly battle with them. So I just don't get the problem I have with her. :-(

This time, I actually managed to get something on her face that I actually like. EXCEPT HER EYEBROWS ARE DREADFULLY UNEVEN! And what bothers me even more is the fact I didn't notice it until I was finished. Like, I was about to put gloss on her face and BOOM!, UNEVEN EYEBROWS! I am almost starting to believe she did it on purpose. LOL! But, I just don't know.

Anyway, I am keeping the faceup for now, because she's had her head off since January and I want her to be back together again, at least for a little while. Maybe it'll grow on me and become one of the many quirks this girl has. I mean, between the scratch on her neck, her rather obvious sanding marks, her gigantic hands and feet (that are seriously LARGER than my 80cm Sabik's), and her eye that has a bubble in it so that she constantly looks wall-eyed, maybe her being "perfect" just isn't in the cards. LOL! Ah well.

Here's a pic of her, as of now:

 My poor beautiful girl. :-(

Annoyed and embarrassed

So. There was a doll meet this past weekend and, guess what? I didn't go because, in my opinion, my doll collection is sort of in a shambles and I had no one I felt was 100% ready to be taken out right now. I felt really embarrassed and then stupidly annoyed. I need to buckle down and SERIOUSLY get my dolls into shape. I want a collection that people, not admire, because I don't need that, but actually like to look at. I don't need people to think my collection is the best or even one of the best or perfect, just nice and not a hot mess. And I find it hard to believe other people would see my collection as nice when I can't even see it myself. So, I need to buckle down and get it together. Because, honestly, while I actually LIKE having constant doll projects, I don't necessarily want to be one of those people who have a lot of dolls but they're all not put together and/or put together in a messy fashion with no thought put into them. Especially since these are doll forms of my characters. For some reason, and I know this will sound half-crazy, but I feel like I'm disrespecting my characters by not getting their doll form in a decent state. So, yes.

Glad I got that out of me. Now I just need to work out a plan and, you know, make a budget. :D Also, learning photography is a must. At least the basics, anyway. :D

OMG DOLL PROJECTS!

This is just the tiniest of victories but they were victories nonetheless! :D

First of all, I changed Rai back into the outfit I like him in, which is white leggings-type pants, a baggy white sweater, and Ugg-like boots. Yes, this is a tiny thing but I've been wanting to do it for a week so I'm glad to have finally done it. Of course, you can't see the whole outfit in this pic but, whatever:

Second, I made Floo Floo a dress. It looks like SHIT in the back but, from the front, it looks pretty decent:

I had her in a Liv doll dress because, weirdly enough, it fit, she just couldn't put her arms through the shoulder holes (which was hidden under her arms anyway). But, my Liv doll Steiner actually wears that dress from time to time and, weird as it seems, I didn't want to steal it from her to give to Floo Floo (doll loyalty say whut?!) so I made Floo Floo her own following this tutorial.I actually really like it. It has this weird kind of modern vintage vibe (ala CB2) that I was going for. I plan to make her some more from some other fabric I got and, hopefully I'll get better at them so the back looks much better. :D

That is all, really. I'm just glad I finally did SOMETHING. And, for once, I did it on the day I wanted to do it and not weeks and weeks later. :D

I has a BJD/inspiration-centric tumblr now:
http://bellasdolls.tumblr.com/

While I know HOW to use tumblr, I have no clue what EXACTLY I'll be using this one for. But, I will say that I've noticed a lot of doll people had one so I followed like the unoriginal thinker I am. I'm sure I'll, eventually, figure it out. :D

Thanks!

I am STILL trying to get this blog looking nice. I don't get how to use blogger, like, AT ALL. So, please pardon me. :D

Anyway, I decided to keep an ongoing list of doll projects and to post my progress. I am hoping that it'll keep me motivated knowing I have a space to show-off my achievements. Plus, maybe someone might be interested. :D

My project list so far:
-Redo Alia's (Dikadoll Lola) faceup
-Redo Bon Bon's (Doll Chateau Olivia) faceup
-Make Bon Bon's dress
-Do Floo Floo's (Leekeworld Ariana) faceup
-Do Mr. Brightside's (Soom Sabik) faceup
-Redo Harujuku (Hujoo Baby Sueve) from the ground up (new clothes, faceup, possibly wig)

My Soom Sard/Chalco and Soom Io/Euclase are NOT on this list because they will be separate craziness and I don't want to start on them till I get their stands, which might take a minute. Since they are big and require more sealant, varnish to protect their hooves, supplies to do blushing, etc. they will have their OWN project list. And I'm hoping to start them sometime in April/May. :D

I also wanted to keep a list of things I need to buy for my dolls. This is mostly for me, because I may not be able to do a pic/vid for everything, but I definitely want to keep track of things. :D

My to-buy list so far:
-White and/or yellow boots for Yellowjacket (Only-Doll TingYun)
-White tights for Floo Floo
-Monique Jojo wig for Jacks (Dollzone Mo)
-Baggy jeans for Jacks
-Bright pink shoes for Junie (Resinsoul Li)
-Casual outfit for Mr. Brightside (right now he's wearing a suit ALL THE TIME)
-Leggings for Bon Bon

That is all now. Thank you for your attention. :D

Blog revamp coming soon!

I plan to revamp the crap out of this blog and actually use it. Please bare with me as it may look a little rough for a bit. Especially since I never figured out how to use this thing and don't know what I'm going. :D

Thanks!

On the subject of recasts...

This is very random, it would seem, but if you've been following the latest BJD happenings/discussions, recasts have come up A LOT! And it's been infuriating me and I've been thinking about it A TON and now I realize why.

It's grating on my nerves so badly because I suck at resisting temptation. Like, why pay this for a doll when you can pay less for a recast? Oh! And, hey, they have that limited you wanted!

Basically, I feel like I might give in and start looking around and that bothers the HELL out of me! :-(

But, then I look at my dolls and, honestly? I feel very proud of my collection. And I want to CONTINUE feeling proud of my collection. I don't want to feel ashamed, which I would. I also wouldn't have the heart to make people think it was legit when it wasn't. So it'd be this hidden, shameful thing that would make me feel bad. And, in the end, that would waste more money than just buying the real deal in the first place!

After all, yes, I DO buy my dolls to just look at and to have. But I love sharing them as well. Eventually, I want to share all their stories and I always want to take pics of them. I don't want a doll I'd feel like hiding and I don't want a doll that will make me feel ashamed to be in this hobby. Also, dumb as it is, my reputation in this hobby matters to me a lot, like it does in my other hobbies/fandoms.

So, yes. I get it now. I couldn't fathom why I was so mad, like I was personally affronted by what other people were doing. Yes, I think the whole thing is just wrong but I couldn't figure out why I was obsessing over the injustice of it. Now that I'm getting it, maybe I can let it go. Fine, people buy recasts and love them and share them. I can't be that person and I WON'T be that person. And that is that! :D